Rampant Consumerism Can Begin as Generosity

Quote of the day:
“To do just the opposite is also a form of imitation.”
--Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

I don’t usually quote huge chunks of text, but today I’m making an exception. This December 6th column by the Wall Street Journal’s Terri Cullen is something special.

It’s an excellent portrait of misguided good intentions and generosity run amok at Christmastime. It’s called “Gifted Child: When Loved Ones Swamp Your Kid With Presents”:


“It's the time of year when calls and emails pour in from our family and close friends, all asking the same question: ‘What would Gerald like for Christmas?’

“It's not always an easy question to answer, despite our 8-year-old son's ever-growing wish list. When Gerald was much younger, I balked at making suggestions. I thought it was tasteless to compile the equivalent of a virtual bridal registry for our son's Christmas gifts. But I've since discovered that helping others choose Gerald's gifts helps me keep family and friends from going overboard with their generosity -- and overwhelming our home with toys.

“The gift suggestions I make consider a number of factors, including our relationship to the gift giver and, often, the current state of their finances. I have an extremely large extended family, most of whom gather each year to exchange gifts. (This year, we'll get together at our house -- on my wish list is a cleaning-service gift certificate.)

“In years past, when I didn't specify inexpensive gifts Gerald might like, I was dismayed to find that some family members generously bought things that probably taxed their budget. This year doing so could prove even more taxing, as a few of our friends and family members are caught in the mortgage crisis that's put the squeeze on so many homeowners. And with such a big family, simply saying ‘Gerald likes anything Nerf or Star Wars,’ inevitably leads to duplicate gifts and disappointed gift givers.

“My husband Gerry's family is very small, but somehow we wind up with the same gift-giving dilemma: Unless I specify an inexpensive game or toy, Gerald often is overwhelmed with gifts. I fear Gerry's brother and aunts and uncles feel obligated to lavish expensive gifts on the few children in the family. Then there are my own divorced parents, who insist on buying large, expensive toys and bikes, no matter how much I urge them to show restraint. In the past I've tried to suggest accessories to the more-expensive toys or games that ‘Santa’ brings, but often that means the gift-giver arrives with the accessory as well as a more-expensive present.

“Gerry and I are blessed with many close friends. With them, giving and getting gifts for our kids is an excuse to get together -- the fact that more stuff winds up in our already overcrowded homes is an unfortunate side effect. Because there are so many children to buy for, it's generally accepted that extremely inexpensive gifts are the way to go. (I reserve gift suggestions to those who have no kids -- I remember how helpful that was for me when I was childless and clueless about what a preteen boy or girl would like to have.)

“Before I make suggestions I spend time on toy retailers' Web sites, looking for little presents that would please Gerald just as much as big toys. For example, a $6.99 packet of five Matchbox cars will elicit the same yelp of pleasure as a $69.99 remote-control car. Last year Gerald had just as much fun playing with a $10.99 Star Wars Legos V-wing fighter as he did his $99.99 Legos Classic Imperial Star Destroyer. With the benefit of hindsight, Santa could have substituted the $125 robotic dinosaur he ignores for a $2.99 Spalding Hi-Bounce ball he plays with endlessly.

“One gift suggestion I won't be making this year: gift cards. I used to urge out-of-state friends and family to consider them, so they wouldn't have to wait in line at the post office to mail bulky toys. I also suggested gift cards when I simply couldn't think of anything else Gerald might want. And I hoped gift cards would help moderate the inundation of stuff by allowing us to spread the purchases out over the year. By doing so, I reasoned, Gerald would appreciate the gifts more. In theory, a sound idea. In practice, after two years Gerald has nearly $500 in gift cards still unspent -- this year I'm planning on ‘regifting’ the cards by using them to buy gifts for others.

“Add up all these people, and Gerald winds up inundated with gifts around the holidays. I used to worry that the annual onslaught was desensitizing him to the loving sentiment behind the gifts. So when he was 5, we established a rule that he couldn't open his next gift until he'd hugged the person whose gift he'd just opened. The affectionate gesture is appreciated by family and friends, and the momentary breather seems to help him better appreciate his bounty. We also put away a lot of his toy gifts, and bring them out later in the year when he's grown tired of the other toys. Gifts that he clearly wouldn't enjoy are donated to our church charity.

“Speaking of charity, I can hear column hecklers standing ready to berate me for not suggesting the most-thoughtful gift: a charitable donation in Gerald's name. Don't think I haven't tried. Gerald's cousin, Rylina, is autistic, and last year we worked hard to raise money for Autism Speaks, which is his favorite charity. Since he participated so enthusiastically, I figured many of our family and friends would feel such a donation would be meaningful for Gerald. Some did welcome the suggestion, but most said they'd feel bad if ‘all the other kids were unwrapping toys while he unwrapped a charitable-gift tax receipt.’

“Point taken. If Gerald got a ‘thank you’ note for a donation as a gift, it would be up to Gerry and me to make him understand the true value of the gift -- although that feeling could last after the exuberance of the annual toy orgy has subsided. But charitable gifts could be made so much more meaningful with a little creativity: attach a thank-you note for a donation to a local pet shelter to the collar of a small stuffed kitten, or a note about a gift to an environmental group to a mini-polar bear. With Gerald, for example, the meaning of a donation in his name could be driven home by including a photo of him hugging Rylina.

“I'll try suggesting a donation again this year, concentrating on family and friends who would otherwise be stuck mailing Gerald's holiday gifts. For the rest, I'll compile Gerald's virtual gift registry. Then I'll call friends and family and ask for gift suggestions for their kids, so I can get started with my own gift shopping.”