They're Back!

Quote of the day:
“I agree with the governor, it's a complete waste of time. For those people against same-sex marriage, all I can say is that they should get a life. I'm too damn busy working, trying to pay my bills, and just survive in this economy to worry about something that in no way affects me.”
--jfawcett1, leaving a comment this morning at signonsandiego.com

A good week, this.

Merrie is feeling good and getting lots of sleep. She had a routine trip to our doctor who confirmed she was doing fine, and recommended more rest.

Also, resident and migratory birds are hanging out here. The trees are louder than usual this time of year. There are mockingbirds nesting nearby, and a bevy of happy finches, sparrows, hummingbirds and doves.

A huge red-shouldered hawk regularly watches over the canyon from a perch just on the other side.

To top it off, the first migratory grosbeaks showed up this morning. Always a big event.

There’s a ground squirrel who appreciates the bird-feeder overflow, and seems to enjoy the sound of German Shepherds barking at him.

Now if we could just have a brief talk with the car-mirror-obsessed starling roosting in our driveway.

Uncle Buck

Quote of the day:
“First, we must learn to count to one.”  

--Martin Luther King

Quote of the day no. 2:
"The international evidence on health care costs is overwhelming: the United States has the most privatized system, with the most market competition — and it also has by far the highest health care costs in the world."
--Paul Krugman in today's New York Times

After a morning in the hospital and an afternoon resettling at home, Merrie and I decided to watch a comedy.

I’m a sucker for the John Hughes movies of the 1980s. Some may find these films dated and lame, but to me they hold up well and are surprisingly funny and refreshingly good-natured compared to so many comedies today.

We’d never seen “Uncle Buck,” so that’s what we put in last night. Neither of us were expecting much, and we were delightfully surprised.

Yes, in many ways the movie is somewhat silly and predictable. But John Candy is terrific, and you get to see MacCauly Caulkin in his first major role.

Merrie and I love simple slapstick, and there is a big dose of that, as well as a generous helping of well-done situational goofiness.

In short, we had a fun time. It was a perfect movie after a tough day.

Video: Object of the Week

Good News

Merrie was admitted to the hospital overnight. She is in the direct observation unit, which is meant for patients likely to stay 24 hours or less.

This morning we got very good news. She had a cardio stress test and came through it just fine. Results show that her shortness of breath is not being caused by any deterioration in her heart function.

As I say, very, very good news. And so there's a 99% chance she’ll be coming home today.

Back to the ER

Merrie is in the emergency room for the third time in four days. It’s always a somewhat frightening rather than fun experience, of course. But to the extent anyone can adjust to such things, I suppose Merrie and I have.

She’s been a bit short of breath, a symptom that triggers every doctor and nurse she calls to say go to the emergency room. Fortunately, on all three visits they have immediately determined that there is no heart attack. Which means she is sent to the waiting room to wait for a bed. If you’ve been to an emergency room, you know this can take hours.

Interesting that on the show “ER” the waiting room appears very small and off to the side, and people are bursting into the ER all the time with urgent problems. The reality is much more mundane. Sit down and wait. Look around at everyone else and wonder what’s wrong with them. And wait. And try not to watch Montel blaring from the TV on the wall.

As always, it’s a step at a time, We’ll see what today brings and then we’ll deal with tomorrow.

A Year Ago

Quote of the day:
“When I get a little money I buy books; and if any is left I buy food and clothes."
--Erasmus

This time last year, Merrie was in the hospital.

Those days seem very far removed from us, and I guess that’s a good thing. She still takes lots of medication daily. But she is not just stable, she is healthy.

We are enjoying life a lot more this year than last. We’re also enjoying this year a lot more than 2006. That may seem obvious, but for us, enjoying life doesn’t seem to come naturally. We often are preoccupied by something that needs to be done.

Of course, there’s always lots to be done, even for those of us without jobs. The key for us has been learning to be ok with letting go of that once in a while.

So the opportunity has been for us to view life and live life in a more authentic way. It’s taken some trial and error, and a bit of work to figure it out. Or not figure it out, if you know what I mean.

Right now, things are very good. And we are grateful.

And We're Off!

Quote of the day:
“I AM NOT OVERREACTING!
--Preston Creston

Yesterday we got the good news that Merrie had been cleared to travel. So off to Cambria we went!

For the drive up, we attempted to operate in the arena of rationality, which is nigh impossible considering Los Angles traffic. We left in the evening and planned to drive through LA at night.

I’m pleased to report that our attempt was successful. I gotta say it was surreal to drive the 405 between LAX and I-10 at full speed. Truly, truly amazing.

Nonetheless, there were quite a few people traveling through Orange County and LA at that late hour. And I keep thinking that it just continues to get worse. This is not pessimism. The population of Southern California continues to grow. And the population of cars grows even faster.

Households own more cars now than 20 years ago. That’s why three-car garages are demanded by so many home buyers.

But we made it to Camarillo in record time. After a night’s sleep and a leisurely breakfast, the drive north was relaxing and glorious.

We Are Connected

Today we’re looking a bit to the future as we plan to leave for another jaunt to Cambria, one of earth’s great places. We’re looking forward to living for a little while without dust. And with a kitchen!

It’s possible that the cardiology nurse Merrie is seeing tomorrow will put a kibosh on the trip. If so, we’ll make the best of it. But we really, really, really want to go.

As a minister, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about our connections with each other, and our influence on each other. At first look these seem like straightforward and simple ideas. But they are neither.

Our connections go far beyond anything we regularly think about--even if we stop and think about them. They extend into the past and future, and cross boundaries beyond our awareness.

This poem by Carl Dennis is a terrific meditation on this:

“Candles”

If on your grandmother's birthday you burn a candle

To honor her memory, you might think of burning an extra 

To honor the memory of someone who never met her, 

A man who may have come to the town she lived in 

Looking for work and never found it.

Picture him taking a stroll one morning, 

After a month of grief with the want ads,

To refresh himself in the park before moving on.

Suppose he notices on the gravel path the shards

Of a green glass bottle that your grandmother,

Then still a girl, will be destined to step on

When she wanders barefoot away from her school picnic

If he doesn't stoop down and scoop the mess up

With the want-ad section and carry it to a trash can.

For you to burn a candle for him

You needn't suppose the cut would be a deep one,

Just deep enough to keep her at home

The night of the hay ride when she meets Helen, 

Who is soon to become her dearest friend, 

Whose brother George, thirty years later,

Helps your grandfather with a loan so his shoe store

Doesn't go under in the Great Depression

And his son, your father, is able to stay in school

Where his love of learning is fanned into flames,

A love he labors, later, to kindle in you.

How grateful you are for your father's efforts

Is shown by the candles you've burned for him.

But today, for a change, why not a candle

For the man whose name is unknown to you? 

Take a moment to wonder whether he died at home

With friends and family or alone on the road, 

On the look-out for no one to sit at his bedside

And hold his hand, the very hand

It's time for you to imagine holding.

(From “New and Selected Poems 1974-2004” by Carl Dennis. © Penguin Books, 2007. Reprinted with permission.)


I Like My Air Conditioned

Quote of the day:
"'Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam, be it ever so humble, there's no place like home."
--John Howard Payne (b.1791)

Very hot and humid again today.

Merrie was concerned that she might be having a reaction to one of her new medications, so she called for a doctor’s appointment and I dropped her off at about 10:30. He treated her and made an adjustment in her medication.

The doctor’s office was busy and she wound up spending two hours there while I hung out at Starbucks observing Labor Day latte culture.

Someone was sitting at one of the outdoor tables. As I walked by, I overheard her say into her cell phone that she’s an “outdoor person.” Good for her.

As for me, when it’s 95 degrees with 80% humidity, I’m an “indoor person.” Standing tall and proud. Not sitting and sweating unnecessarily.

When I first moved to San Diego I often heard someone make the following statement: “You don’t need air conditioning here.” This would usually be followed by some explanation involving ocean breezes, dry heat or the clause “it’s only hot for two weeks each year.”

I didn’t think much of this at first. But after I lived here a while, I started to get annoyed when someone said this. Because it’s not true. Read my lips.

One day it dawned on me that this statement needed translation. Once I realized that, I was no longer annoyed. These days I am bemused when someone says it. Especially when he says it with an air of authority.

The statement “You don’t need air conditioning here” can be translated one of three ways: 1) “I don’t need air conditioning here”; 2) “You don’t need air conditioning here, if you don’t mind being hot”; 3) “I don’t need air conditioning here because I don’t mind being hot.”

The last two translations are examples of what I call the “invisible clause phenomenon.” This happens when someone makes a seemingly cogent, short, mantra-like statement the truth of which only comes out when the invisible clause is revealed.

My favorite example goes way back. It is “Question authority.” The invisible clause is “except if it’s me.”

Blazing

Quote of the day:
"I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part, and discuss it only with consenting adults."
--Molly Ivins

It’s a blazing Saturday morning, and it’s getting hotter. Conditions are unusually tropical for San Diego, which is a desert.

Our poor indoor plants that we moved outside for the remodel are really suffering in the heat. They look how I feel--a little tired, wilted and brown.

We know we’re supposed to be conserving water, but we give our small yard and plants an extra drink. The insects, birds and animals enjoy it.

Sophie is doing amazingly well being cooped up, out of the heat. Maybe she’s just so pleased that Merrie’s home that nothing else matters. Except treats, of course. As a German Shepherd mix, I know my priorities.

She is positively glued to Merrie. There’s no separating them.

Junior, our 11-year-old black-and-white cat, is shedding prodigious amounts of his thick fur. I comb about a pound of it off him during the day.

Rocco, our 4-year-old Tonkinese, spends his usual 2 daily hours prowlin’ and yowlin’, 2 hours socializing with all of us other animals, and 20 hours in deep reclusive hibernation.

Merrie is up for an outing, so we head out for late-afternoon pancakes at IHOP. They’re vacuuming the floor when we get there. The whole-grain pancakes and egg-beater scramble taste great.

Energized, we head to Bed, Bath and Beyond to buy a small griddle to use while we’re kitchen-less. A trip like this is a big deal right now.

Getting Ready for Labor Day

Quote of the day:
"The life of the creative man is led directed and controlled by boredom. Avoiding boredom is one of our most important purposes."
--Saul Steinberg

Many people are traveling today, or preparing for big gatherings over this long Labor-Day weekend.

We are doing neither. It’s a day of lots of sleep for Merrie, in the quiet and air conditioning. At any one time, at least two of our three animals join her.

I get up and make coffee only for myself. I have the formula down from the days I’ve been here by myself. Now Merrie can’t have coffee and I feel a little guilty having it, or at least enjoying it. As in, maybe it’s okay to have it if I don’t enjoy it.

We read for a while, and then it’s time for Merrie to have a nap. I let an inspector in to check construction on our kitchen. Everything passes.

I watch a real-estate show on TV with headphones on. Then the drywall guy shows up to drop off supplies. I’m grateful that he’s not installing it today.

Merrie wakes from her nap and is feeling ok. It’s a good day.

Home Again!

Quote of the day:
"[Real cowboys] lead very drab, mostly repetitive, unexciting lives. But people seem to need to believe that they are simple, strong, and free, and not twisted, fascistic, and dumb, as many I've known have been."
--Larry McMurtry

Yesterday afternoon Merrie got the good news that she was being discharged from the hospital. We braced ourselves for the customary three-hour wait, but she was out in less than two. And her prescription was ready at the pharmacy!

She came home, visited the back yard, took a long shower, had dinner and installed herself in her La-Z-Boy with a cat or two.

Her challenge is to take life slowly. She’s not supposed to have any caffeine, so she will also have to adjust to life without coffee. That will be a big deal.

We’ll see what comes next. Right now, there is one very happy dog in our house. Sophie has her playmate back!

Room With a View

Quote of the day:
"I pray heaven to bestow the best of blessings on this house and on all that shall hereafter inhabit it. May none but honest and wise men ever rule under this roof."
--John Adams, after his first night in the just-completed White House

In a semi-private hospital room, one bed gets to be closer to the window, the other closer to the door.

A small blessing is that Merrie has the bed with the view. And it’s a good view from the fifth floor. She can see all the way to the surrounding hills.

Last night she was sitting by the window watching the trolley come and go, and saw the lights gradually come on across the city.

It brings to mind a recent “New Yorker” story on light pollution. In it, a researcher said that Americans almost never watch it get dark anymore. Instead, lights go on all around us.

The human body is built for cycles of light and dark. In the winter we often hear reports about the importance of being exposed to light. But we never hear about the effects of not getting enough dark.

It’s sort of like silence, I guess. We see it simply as something missing rather than an entity in itself. Peace is the same. We see it as just absence of war.

All things considered, Merrie is doing ok. The doctors continue to track her blood factors and make medication adjustments.

She did have time and enthusiasm yesterday to review and choose tile designs for our kitchen. The doctor on rounds declined to participate in that decision.

We're Back In

Quote of the day:
"Self-knowledge does not necessarily help a novelist. It helps a human being a great deal but novelists, as we know, are often appalling human beings."
--Peter Carey

After a day spent mostly in two emergency rooms, Merrie was admitted to the hospital last night. Her blood tests showed some possible liver problems, and the doctors want to know what happened yesterday morning. They’re not sure it’s related to heart failure.

Merrie said she was grateful for the chance to take a shower and sleep in her own bed at least for one night You can’t do either in the hospital.

Now the doctors will start the process of test-treat-and-watch. And for us (you guessed it) wait.

Long hospital stays wear you down in a number of ways. One is the constant deprivation of privacy. It is as if your space and even your life is not your own.

There are tactics Merrie uses to deal with it, but it still grinds on anyone’s sanity.

I gotta say that Merrie has a positive effect on just about every caregiver at the hospital. She’s fully engaged in her care and asks lots of questions. And she hasn’t lost her sense of humor (though she has every reason to), and the doctors and nurses seem to really appreciate it.

A Morning Surprise

We were having a leisurely morning at home. Merrie was unwinding from her hospital stay.

But life brings the unexpected.

She called to me that I needed to call 911. She was having heart-attack symptoms.

The paramedics were here in just a few minutes. Merrie was able to speak with them. They took her off to the hospital.

I went to the ER to wait. The receptionist said she wasn’t in the system yet. Fifteen minutes later, Merrie calls me and says she’s not at Kaiser but at Alvarado.

And she also says she’s feeling much better. What a relief.

A few hours and some tests in the Alvarado emergency room, then a ride to the Kaiser ER.

Then the wait to hear if she needs to be admitted. Again.

The Best Part of Going to the Hospital

Quote of the day:
“I find it amazing that in this day and age, American women seem to resent smart American women in high positions.”
--Mohan Ram

A very long (5 hour) test for Merrie today, to check blood flow in and around her heart. And then a wait for results to see if she could be discharged.

At 6:30 she was very pleased to hear that she was being released. At 9:00 it actually happened. Then we waited a half hour for a prescription.

See what I mean? Waiting. It’s one of the prices we pay for our health-care system.

But the best part of being in the hospital is going home.

Time for A Breather

Quote of the day:
“The Orioles were ahead 3-0 so they put up a ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner.”
--David Letterman, commenting on the Texas Rangers’ 30-3 win over the Baltimore Orioles.

Lots of time today while waiting at the hospital. Time to sometimes contemplate things beyond health. Such as the ruckus Jen created when she was kicked off “Big Brother 8.” Boy was she nasty!

Merrie and I tuned in years ago to the very first episode of the first season of “Big Brother,” out of curiosity more than anything else. We got hooked on season one, but grew tired of it during season two.

We turned on the first episode of the new season to see how things had changed, and found ourselves hooked again.

Merrie compares watching the show to watching a slow-motion train wreck. It is silly and even a bit tawdry. But I find myself getting very interested that the game’s design involves participants using manipulation and deception in order to win.

What results is a display of some of the least-attractive qualities of human nature. Very instructive.

Slow August Weekend: Medical

Quote of the day:
“According to some commercials, driving an SUV means you support terrorists. The answer is the hybrid gas-electric car, which only supports terrorists when going uphill.”
--Jon Stewart

Merrie moved from zigging to zagging (previously known as seeing to sawing) today. Her kidney function began to be affected again by the diuretic drugs. So the doctor is easing back a bit. I guess it’s kind of like driving a performance car around a curve. Though not nearly as fun. At all.

Hospitals are just like the rest of the world in that they go quiet on weekends. Or at least quieter. While I might circle the parking lot for a few minutes on Friday waiting for a space, half the lot is open on Saturday.

Care at the hospital is continuous, of course, but it seems that most doctors’ schedules are concentrated on weekdays. So weekends are spent (you guessed it) waiting. Reading, worrying, waiting. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Seesaw

It seems that Merrie is on a seesaw. First she was seeing, then she was sawing, and now she is seeing again. The goal is to be at the balancing point.

Her last hospital visit was the result of problems that were side effects (as opposed to “front” or “back” effects) of two of the drugs she was taking. At that time the doctors eliminated one medication and changed another.

What has happened now is a reaction to that change. Because her original medications were changed or stopped, her original problem has begun to reappear.

So the goal is to find the right combination and dosage. Like the three bears. Not too hot. Not too cold. But just right.

More metaphors to come. Please stand by.

She will be in the hospital through the weekend, and is scheduled to have a heart-stress test on Monday. As if just being in the hospital is not stress enough.

All things considered, she’s feeling pretty good, and is keeping in touch with everything via her trusty iPhone.

Another Hospital Visit

Merrie was awake during the night with a cough, and this morning she was a bit short of breath. She went to the doctor, who then sent her to the emergency room.

She was not having a heart attack but had some of the symptoms she had back in February, so she was admitted to the hospital. It was not a simple or quick process. The basic activity of patients and their families when they’re in the hospital is waiting. Waiting and waiting and more waiting.

Waiting to see the doctor. Waiting to have the test the doctor ordered. Waiting for the test results. Waiting for the doctor to come by to talk about the results. Begin again.

Hurry up. Wait. Hurry up. Wait. Hours. Days.